


The Robot Magic Shop

by Screaming_at_an_Empty_Room



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-23 20:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20221594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Screaming_at_an_Empty_Room/pseuds/Screaming_at_an_Empty_Room
Summary: A group of robots are summoned by an evil wizard to audition for the role of minion. But things don't go quite according to plan...





	1. Chapter 1

The Dx5G7 series bot scanned its new surroundings. This was not the factory. This looked nothing like its normal environment. Instead, it stood in a large receiving hall. There were ancient tomes, bottle of strange glowing liquid, and shining runes covering every available surface of the walls and shelves. Light came from floating candles, hovering here and there to give just enough illumination to make out ones surroundings without too much detail. The floor was marble, with a blood red carpet running to the foot of a golden throne. Everything in this room was luxurious, regal, there to impress. Dx5G7, being fitted with the AI capacitor complete with 18 different emotions, felt out of place and embarrassed at its rusted exterior. It did not belong here. 

It searched its memory files, trying to understand how it cam to be here. It had been about to start its daily work allotment when a glowing purple haze had surrounded it. By the time the glow had faded it was here. 

“Welcome potential minions.” 

Sitting on the golden throne was an elderly human. Long white hair and beard decorated the head. In one hand he clutched a slender silver wand with a glowing orb held in the other. The shade of the orb was similar to the purple haze that had carried Dx5G7 here. At the human’s words the robot looked around, noticing that it was not the only out of place being in the room. 

To the right stood a strange looking mechanical creature. It was vaguely humanoid, much like Dx5G7, but its appearance was different from any construct it had ever seen before. It was made of brass and steel, the entire structure a complex arrangement of cogs and pulleys. The center body rotated slowly around in a circle, but the head and legs stayed still. It emitted a ticking sound, a slow regular rhythm, but Dx5G7 noted that as it looked around and took in its environment the ticking spend up to a more distressed sound. 

On the other side stood a pile of rocks. Dx5G7 almost overlooked it, until the rocks rose and slowly rotated around. They formed a loosely connected body, made of rock and light. Glowing green eyes peered out from the center, and a large crack appeared below them. It was smiling. 

What were they all doing here?

“I imagine you are curious as to why I brought you here.” The human spoke, giving a smile that did not make the robot feel any more welcomed or comfortable. “It’s simple, really. I am a powerful wizard, and I’m looking for an assistant of sorts. Need someone who can help me with my important tasks, such as performing magical spells and brewing potions. I had a house elf as my last minion, but it…let’s just say it didn’t work out.” He made a vague gesture to the corner of the room, where a large patch of faded red and brown colors stained the otherwise spotless floor. 

“I have decided to look beyond my world for a new assistant, but having never visited your worlds, thought it best to bring a sampling of different types of beings who may suit my purposes. A magic golem” He nodded at the large rock creature. He pointed at the mechanical creature to the right “A clockwork automaton, and of course, an advanced robot.” Finally he smiled at Dx5G7, and although it knew it wasn’t equipped to feel fear, a creeping sensation made its way up its metal neck. 

The wizard leaned back, setting down the glowing orb, and stroked his beard with his free hand. “Now tell me about yourselves.” He pointed at Dx5G7. “You go first. What is your primary function?” 

The robot considered its answer carefully. Its job in the world it had been plucked from was in a factory. Specifically, it welded two pieces of metal together that worked to secure lids to trash bins. It knew it was poor robot etiquette, but it despised the factory, hated its job, and wanted nothing more than to escape. If it told the truth about what its true function was, however, the wizard might not think it was useful. After a brief override of its moral coding, it decided to lie. 

“I am Dx5G7, an elite robotic series. My function was to oversee complex mergers, which, if performed incorrectly, would lead to the destruction of the world.” 

The wizard stared silently at it, and Dx5G7 gave a brief silent thanks to its designers for not giving it sweat glands. With a brief nod the human moved on to the clockwork being, and the robot let out a quiet sigh of relief. 

“What about you, clockwork being?” 

There was a long pause, as the automaton seemed to be considering something. Finally it began emitting a string of clicks, whistles and bells, the gears within it moving at incredible speeds. 

“STOP THAT RACKET, I want a simple answer!” The wizard snapped impatiently. 

With a quiet sigh of its exhaust port, a paper printed out from its chest. Dx5G7 held it up and read it. 

“It says here that its name is Cox, and that its function was to serve the crown.” The robot frowned to itself as it read those words. That made the clockwork being serious competition for the role of assistant. It was then it noticed the small print on the edge of the paper in its grasp. “Crown Accounting.” It was a glorified calculator. Like itself, the automaton was trying to secure a new position, better than its previous one. Dx5G7 briefly considered tattling, but since they were both lying about their previous lives, it seemed rather unfair. In the end, it kept silent. 

It was the golem’s turn next. “GRAG…” It began, its booming voice echoing in the large chamber. “GRAG WAS NOT A DUNG CLEANER! GRAG WAS IMPORTANT WARRIOR FOR ENTIRE CITY! NOTHING TO DO WITH CLEANING DUNG.” 

Somehow, the robot realized, the wizard had pulled creatures from the bottom rung of every world, all of them desperately wanting out of their current job. Was it intentional?

Obviously not. The wizard looked angry. “THIS IS WHAT I GET? Low level scum like you all?” He shook his head. “NO. I refuse to lower myself in this way. I will send you all back and get a better specimen. A powerful, evil creature worthy of my reputation…” As he continued, he waved his arms in a grand gesture, knocking the orb off of the arm of his throne. It rolled on the floor to the feet of the golem. 

“GRAG WILL GET IT. GRAG IS HELPFUL!” it leaned down to grab the delicate sphere.

The wizard jumped forward, “NO DON’T TOUCH IT…” 

The orb cracked in the large fist of the golem. Shooting out large beams of purple light, the glow surrounded the screaming wizard.

“NOOO, YOU IDIOTS!!!” With that, the human disappeared. 

With a furious set of clicks and whirrs, the automaton printed out a new sheet of paper. 

“Well, now that we’ve accidentally banished the wizard, what now?” 

The robot shrugged, “Well, I guess we do whatever we want.” 

It looked around at the shelves overflowing with magical tomes and artifacts. “How do you two feel about opening a magical item store?” 

The boulder that formed Grag’s head nearly split in half, it was smiling so wide. “GRAG LIKES THAT IDEA.”


	2. Chapter 2

“This is an outrage!” The woman screaming held a magical tome in her hand. “136 gold for this?! It’s highway robbery!”

Dx5G7 couldn’t sigh, but it wished it could. A quick glance over the customer revealed that her ridiculously colored and overly adorned clothing cost over 1000 gold. The book in question was a rare guide to portal magic, at 136 gold they were only making a small profit. There was no way to lower the price. 

Dx5G7 switched over to its “customer service” mode, which ensured everything was said politely and in a friendly tone of voice.

“I apologize, ma'am, we cannot reduce the price further. If you would still like to purchase the item, Cox over there will be happy to ring you up” he gestured to the counter where the clockwork automaton waved, its body ticking cheerfully.   
“If however you feel that it is too expensive to purchase, I would be happy to personally show you a selection of books on a similar topic that are within a more… modest price range.”

The woman’s face turned bright red with rage. 

“How DARE you insinuate that I cannot afford this rubbish!” She tossed the magical tome to the ground, only to look on with disgust as Dx5G7 deftly leaned forward and caught it before it could take any damage. 

“I demand to speak with the manager!” The woman grinned spitefully. She was obviously used to getting her own way. 

“DID SOMEONE CALL FOR GRAG?!“ 

A booming voice rang out. The customer turned only to run face first into an enormous pile of rocks. Glowing green eyes stared down at her from the top of the rocks and a large crack formed into a smile. 

“GRAG IS MANAGER! HOW CAN HELP?!”  
Seeing the large golem before him, the woman let out a high pitched scream and ran out of the store. 

Grag looked crestfallen. “GRAG LOSE SALE?" 

Cox walked over in its jerky mechanical fashion, a paper printing from its chest. Dx5G7 took it and read. 

"He says not to worry, Grag, the woman wasn’t a customer, just a jerk.”   
Grag smiled with relief.

But even as they relaxed, a large glowing portal opened up in the center of the store. 

An elderly man with a long white beard stepped through. Dx5G7 recognized him immediately: it was the wizard, the one who had originally summoned them. He looked a little worse for wear, his robes and pointy hat were mud spattered and torn. However he seemed relatively unharmed, as he straightened up and glared about him. 

“What is going on here?! What have you done with my workshop?” 

There was a moment of shocked silence which was broken when Grag laughed. 

“BOSS HAS RETURNED! WELCOME TO THE STORE!” 

“Store?” The wizards face seemed to turn a purplish hue. He turned towards the portal. “Abot! Get in here.” 

A humanoid appearing robot walked calmly through the tear in reality. Its outer shell was a smooth glossy black, but from its eyes, mouth a from each joint came a glowing blue light. In one hand it clutched a bag of supplies, in the other was a gun. The wizard pointed at the new arrival. 

“This is my new minion, Abot. He’s an android specifically built for battle.” The wizard’s smile turned evil. “He can destroy you all within an instant, even that big pile of rocks over there." 

He walked towards Grag, pointing a finger into its stony chest. "You will ALL PAY for stealing my workshop and vanishing me! I will destroy you all…”

“NEW FRIEND?!” Grag cried out with excitement at the sight of the new robot. 

He spread out his arms widely and moved forward to give the android a hug.   
Unknowingly his large stony hand knocked into the wizard, sending him flying. 

“NOOOOO! Not again!!!” The wizard fell back into the portal, which closed with a snap behind him. 

The group stared at the newcomer in stunned silence. Grag had hugged it, which could easily crush a normal human, but the android tolerated it without complaint. It looked around at its surroundings, shrugged, and holstered its gun. 

“Is this my home now?” The question was spoken quietly in a monotone. 

“YES!” Grag was ecstatic. “YOU LIVE WITH US, OK?!”

Well, that settled it. Looks like they had a new employee. Dx5G7 shrugged, it supposed there were stranger ways to hire someone. It looked again at the android, who was glancing around at its surroundings with silent curiosity. Dx5G7 stepped forward, reaching out a metallic hand to shake. 

“Welcome, to the Robot’s Magic Shop!”


	3. Chapter 3

“GRAG CALLS COMPANY MEETING TO ORDER!” The enormous golem grinned and struck his fist against the table, instantly shattering it. 

Dx5G7 sighed loudly, briefly enjoying the newly installed function, wondering if it had also developed the ability to have headaches. It sure felt like it. 

“Grag, what did we say about using your fist as a gavel?” 

Grag looked devastated (or at least as devastated as a pile of rocks could look). 

“BUT… GRAG BROKE TINY HAMMER…” 

Abot, the shiny battle android, instantly gave Grag a hug, cheering him up. “Don’t bully Grag.” 

Dx5G7 wanted to argue, but faced with the teary glowing green eyes of a stone golem and the bright blue lighted eyes of the android, it couldn’t say a word. 

“It’s okay Grag, We’ll just replace the table. Let’s begin the meeting.” 

Cox, the clockwork automaton, rocked back and forth, its gears clicking as a strip of paper pushed out. Dx5G7 read it aloud. 

“Cox says that financially we’re in the green. We are on track to increase revenue by 15% this quarter.” 

Grag and Abot both stared at Dx5G7 in confusion silently. Suppressing another sigh, the robot shook its head slowly. “It means we’re doing well.”

The pair threw their arms up in the air. “HOORAY!”

“But that brings us to our biggest problem.” Dx5G7 paused looking around at its coworkers seriously. “Inventory.” 

It stood up, and propped up a large chart graph poster against the wall. “As you can see here, when the wizard was accidentally banished to another dimension, he left a large amount of magical items which we have been selling.” It flipped the page to a second graph. “This second peak here is when he invaded the shop again with Abot, leaving behind a storage case full of treasures, which we restocked the store with. This is NOT a reliable source of inventory.”

Grag tilted his head, staring at the charts upside down. “THIS PICTURE MEANS BOSS ISN’T COMING BACK?” 

“In a way…” 

Grag jumped up, shaking the building as he strode over and tore the graph posters in half. “NOW BOSS COME BACK?” 

Cox pushed out another paper. Dx5G7 picked it up. “Cox wants me to remind you that the wizard was threatening to kill us. He would take away our store and banish us back to the worlds that we came from.”

Again blank stares. 

Dx5G7 stared up at the ceiling, before giving up. “The Boss is on vacation.”

“HOORAY!” 

“So… any ideas about how to purchase new inventory?” 

**BANG!**

A portal opened up in the center of the shop, and a familiar bearded old man stepped out. This time he looked in much better spirits, wearing royal, velvet robes and carrying a golden staff. He stared down at the robots with a grin of undisguised malice. 

“HA! I’ve returned maggots! Grovel before your superior!” 

“BOSS!” Grag smiled, a terrifying expression. “HOW WAS VACATION?!” 

The battle android tried to smile as well, although it only managed to appear threatening. “Did you bring Grag and me souvenirs?” 

The wizard was incensed. “What vacation? You banished me to the Hell dimension!” He shuddered with remembered fear. 

“But because of that, I enslaved this demon with the power to travel between space and time freely! Come out Slave!” 

A young woman with pointed ears and red eyes stepped forward, looking miserable.

“NEW FRIEND!” Grag and Abot cheered together, giving the surprised demon hugs. 

“No! You are not friends!” The wizard was spitting with rage. “I will use her powers to destroy you! I will burn your corpses into ash…” 

Dx5G7 quietly pushed a button underneath the desk in front of him. A trap door opened up beneath the wizard, dropping him into a glowing purple portal hidden under the floor. 

“NOOOO! NOT AGAIN! I’LL HAVE MY REVENGE…” The angry old man disappeared, and the trap door closed behind him, quickly erasing all traces that he had ever been there. 

Dx5G7 felt relieved, one of its new favorite programmed emotions. It was glad that Cox had helped it to develop strategies to defend against the wizard’s inevitable return. 

Now they just had one more thing to deal with. 

Dx5G7 turned to the demon, who was still being hugged by Grag with a confused expression. 

“What’s your name?” 

The young female demon shook her head sadly. “I don’t have one. He stole it from me.” 

Cox’s gears whirred loudly. Dx5G7 read its response. “Can we call you Traveler?” 

After a few moments of consideration, she smiled widely. “Yes, I like that name!” 

The hugging duo was ecstatic. “NEW FRIEND!” 

“Aren’t you a battle android?” The demon was very confused. 

“It’s a long story.” Dx5G7 pulled her away from the excited pair, causing them to pout. “Now that your slave contract has been severed by the wizard’s banishment, how would you like a job as a inventory purchaser?”

“Inventory?”

Dx5G7 nodded. “Yes, we run a magical shop here, and we are in desperate need of someone who can travel between realms to help us restock. We have plenty of cash, and can pay you well.” 

“Really?” Traveler grinned.

“Really.”

“I would love to!” She looked relieved, which set off Grag and Abot into a whole new round of hugs. 

“INVENTORY PROBLEM SOLVED?” Grag was beaming with joy. 

“Yes, Grag.” Dx5G7 was satisfied. 

“BOSS SAVES THE DAY AGAIN!” Grag looked around. “TOO BAD HE HAD TO LEAVE SO SOON.”

Abot agreed. “Is he on vacation again?”

Dx5G7 shook his head at Traveler, stopping her from correcting them. 

“Yep. Maybe next time he’ll bring souvenirs.”

“HOORAY!” 

And so the Robot’s Magic Shop continues to thrive, now with a whole new team member.


	4. Chapter 4

It was just another normal day at the Robot’s Magic Shop.

“I don’t think you understand.” The customer spoke to Dx5G7 in a condescending tone. “I’m a DRAGON breeder. This pen has to be able to take a little more weight than any average material you might have here.”

Dx5G7 wished desperately that it had not installed its new sarcastic feature. There were so many things it wanted to say to the customer that would leave him running away in tears, but couldn’t. He forcefully activated his new and improved “difficult customer” mode. 

“I can assure you, Sir, that this is a magically reinforced Mithril pen. It can withstand anything and everything your dragons can put it through.”

The man was unconvinced, and raised a single eyebrow with a scoffing noise. “_Really? _And I suppose you are the expert on dragons? Oh wait, no that’s me.”

If it could, Dx5G7 would have taken a deep breath to settle its frustration. “I don’t have to be a dragon expert. I can guarantee it will hold.”

“What makes you so confident?” 

Dx5G7 turned towards the back. “GRAG! ABOT!”

_Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. _

It sounded as if a herd of elephants was stomping through the store. The floor shook with each step. Turning pale with fear, the customer turned tried to run away, but was held in place by the metal hand of Dx5G7 who couldn’t help but smile evilly, despite it being against the “difficult customer” programming. 

The enormous golem, looking like a running pile of rocks with glowing green eyes, emerged from the doorway, sliding to a stop in front of Dx5G7. He was shortly joined by humanoid appearing robot with a shiny black exterior and glowing blue eyes. They both smiled widely, a terrifying sight, and looked at the customer with an enthusiastic cheer. 

“New Friend!” 

Dx5G7 nodded. “Yes! He’s your new friend!” He pointed to the building sized metal cage in the corner of the store. “This new friend wants you two to play hopscotch in the dragon pen.”

Grag was obviously shocked. “But… not allowed!”

“Yeah! You told us that we had to stop playing hopscotch after the whole ‘flattening a mountain’ bit!” Abot joined in.

“Well, you can play, but only inside the dragon pen.”

“YAAAAY!” With screams of delight, the two drew a grid on the floor of the pen and began to play hopscotch with a pebble they pulled off of Grag’s shoulder. 

Grag’s turn was first.

_THUD THUD THUD THUD!_

With each hop the entire building shook, but the cage held firm despite the obvious strain Grag put it through. 

The customer finally pulled himself together enough to talk. “I’ll admit that it’s impressive but how is that little robot jumping supposed to convince…”

_BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG! _

Abot hopped in the air, moving faster that the eye could follow. Each landing sounding like a cannon. 

“Our battle android moves faster than the velocity of your average bullet and weighs more than a tank.” Dx5G7 gave the information, hiding his gleeful expression. 

“… I’ll take three.” Having made the sale, the customer left with a satisfied grin. 

“Helpful?” Grag asked hopefully. 

“Yes.” Dx5G7 answered, patting the golem on the back. “You both were very helpful!” 

The two smiled and hugged. “HOORAY!” 

Cox, the clockwork automaton, approached, it movement jerking awkwardly with the motion of its internal clockwork machinery. With a grinding noise, a printed paper spat out, which Dx5G7 picked up and read. 

“Cox said to tell you both ‘good job.’” 

“HOORAY!” Another round of hugging ensued. 

As they watched the two celebrate, Dx5G7 turned to Cox with a smile. “Business has been good lately.”

The automaton nodded with a stilted motion. 

“We’re almost too busy for just one location. We may want to expand.”

A paper spat out. Dx5G7 grabbed it. “Be careful what I wish for? What do you mean?” 

Another paper.

“Every time I ask for something for the store, _he _appears?”

Dx5G7 thought it over… “He…?” Its eyes widened, and it groaned. “You don’t mean…?”

A bright purple light flashed, and the world around the robots disappeared. 

“WHERE GRAG NOW?” The Golem looked around with a confused expression. They stood in a large golden throne room, filled with treasure from floor to ceiling. In front of them a golden throne was placed, and on that throne…

“I warned you I would have my revenge! Now tremble before your master you worthless pieces of junk!”

Grag and Abot threw their hands up in the air. “BOSS!” They leapt forward to hug the old angry wizard but were stopped by a magical forcefield. 

“I came prepared this time.” The wizard sneered, smoothing back his singed hair, his wizard hat, a sad remnant of purple cloth, fell to the ground and disintegrated. “I won’t let you silly MINIONS get in the way of my plans!”

Grag’s eyes widened. “Boss back from vacation FOREVER?”

“What, vacation?”

Abot smiled. “PLAY HOPSCOTCH WITH US!”

The wizard roared with fury. “You are a magical golem and a deadly battle android, you do not play hopscotch!”

“YES! Boss smart!” Grag nodded. “Only in dragon pen.” 

“What the…” shaking his head, the wizard paused and then turned back towards the other two. “No! I refuse to get distracted this time! I brought you here to my new castle in a different city, so you are far from any tricks or traps like last time.”

Dx5G7 booted up its newest function, an evil laugh. “Oh no, you got us.”

“Why… why are you laughing?” The wizard stood up, his face turning red. 

Cox printed out a paper, which Dx5G7 read. “Cox says that we’re all very grateful for the free transport.”

“NO! You are not grateful, or happy to see me, or about to play hopscotch! YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE DESTROYED!”

A red portal opened up behind the screaming wizard, and a smiling demon with pointed ears and red eyes stepped forward.

“WHAT THE…” The wizard noticed something was wrong, but it was too late. The demon picked the wizard up and threw him through the portal, closing it on his departing shout. 

“NO NOT AGAIN! I WILL RETURN! YOU WILL RUE THE DAY…”

Grag and Abot smiled and waved from their vantage point at the forcefield. “BYE BOSS! HAVE A GOOD VACATION!” 

He was gone.

Dx5G7 sighed with relief. “Thanks, Traveler!”

  
Traveler, their demon inventory purchaser, shrugged. “No problem.” She rubbed her ears, chuckling. “His voice is just so grating.”

“But he does have his uses.” Dx5G7 looked around the throne room with a happy expression. “Cox, you thinking what I’m thinking?”

The clockwork automaton nodded and printed out a paper. Dx5G7 read it with a triumphant smile. 

“The Robot’s Magic Shop just acquired a second location.”


End file.
